Live in the present
I try not to dwell on these questions. I’m trying to stay positive and it’s actually easier than I thought but only because I am trying to think of the present; getting through each day one at a time. I am learning to be mindful of how I feel physically and mentally, reflecting on activities that could have influenced these feelings and considering how I could adapt the next day accordingly. However, I don’t know how I’m going to feel until I’m up and about the next day.
But let me indulge myself and consider those for a few moments so I can forget about them and continue to be in the present.
So, why me?
I have no idea. I was unlucky and that horrible germ decided I looked tasty (if it was that viral infection that cause this).
Why this? Why now?
Now I feel that these two questions go hand-in-hand. This has overhauled my life to the point that I have made complete lifestyle changes, from my daily routine to my social life to work. I am even having to educate myself to change my thoughts and how I perceive events and utterances others make.
Work, work, work
Let’s firstly consider my job. Teaching is one of the most stressful professions. It is mentally and physically demanding in many ways and not just when you have 30-odd students all vying for your attention for 50 minutes, 6 times a day, 5 days a week. You have to stop yourself working all hours of the day, every day so that you can have some ‘normality’ or some semblance of work-life balance. The recent figures on teachers leaving the profession says it all.
Life, life, life
Then add into the mix trying to balance a life outside of work; seeing friends and family at the weekend, keeping fit and then trying to ‘do things’ with your other half. Oh, and then you have to cook and eat. Oh, and sleep. So all things considered, there really wasn’t much time left in the day to ‘chill’.
Did I mention that I was also planning my wedding? Well, that too.
So, in a way, it probably isn’t a surprise is it?
I believe in fate. Sometimes you have control over which path you take, sometimes life decides that path for you. Life was telling me, no shouting at me. SLOW DOWN. I didn’t heed the advice. When did I make the time to listen? I didn’t. Life is telling me that now is the time to stop, take stock and make those changes that my body and mind need in heal. True, I don’t know how long the healing process will take, or if I will ever fully heal. But I know that my mind and body will thank me for it in some way in the future; I will either find a happy medium in living with this chronic illness or I will recover fully. Whichever it may be, I accept it and am positive about the new path that my life has taken.